A million subscribers on YouTube? Tell her she's dreaming.
A couple years back I was quite comfortable. A mother, a fiance, a farmer's housewife. No aspirations of my own, not that there is anything wrong with that at all but I know myself. I'm a big dreamer. I wanted to be a lawyer, an electrician, a police officer. Mum and dad, remember all of my crazy dreams haha? I was pretty disappointed in myself that I always gave up. But maybe that's because it wasn't right.
Eventually I met a man, settled down, and I was pretty happy and comfortable, almost on cruise control with very little turbulence. Until that ended and life went to shit. I mean ground collapsing, suck me into the earth and bury me where I'd stay alive for ever in this claustrophobic hole with no outside contact, kinda shit. ROCK BOTTOM.
What the fuck have I done with all my time? Started and stopped every dream I've ever had. Loved and then LOST. And now I have 3 very individual crazy kids (whom I love to bits) to raise on the smallest of finances and let's not forget, I just got dumped.
But from there something beautiful happened. I believed in myself. I fought my way out of that rut (it took a bloody long time and a lot of pairs of ears), and I began to look to my children who never signed up for this. My poor kids. I was going to make it up to them.
Mother hood is a job I will never give up on.
I've spent a year on this goal, teaching them to cook, reading to them, trying to be more 'available and in the moment'. And now I want to teach them about their dreams.
We live in a house that doesn't have enough bedrooms. We don't make enough money to enjoy our weekend. And that holiday I was saving for just went on repair to our car. Sorry kids another year.
I'm not staying here. I am grateful for everything we have but I want to show my kids the world. I want to make amazing memories with them at Disney land. I want them to see how people live in the 3rd world and let them have the opportunity to help out.
And then there's my dream. My career, my hobby. My passion. YouTube. It's not about popularity, it's about reaching out to people. For now the videos are basic, just me, my friends and family having fun. But I have huge goals for the future. To reach out to teens and offer support. I don't want to say too much but basically it's everything I love, rolled into one. Talking, counseling, being there for people, computers and technology. I FINALLY after 29 years, found my dream job.
Some of you may have rolled your eyes and thought, what a stupid thing to be doing with your time. I hope this has shed some light for you. I will make my babies proud, I will make my parents proud, and I will be there for all you beautiful people of the world.
Rock bottom changed me.... For the better.
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