Stumbling through life with anxiety | Kylee Maree

We all have a poor me moment in life:

I'm one of those people who stumbles my way through life. Not because I want to, but because that's the cards I dealt myself. No one else dealt them. I take responsibility. I've realised I'm terrified of tomorrow. I feel claustrophobic, I'm in a box and I'm not sure how to get out. So many people think they know how I can get out, but once they realise the situation I'm in, there's silence.

Every day is a trial and error. One day my kids are insane, one day they're calm. One day I get things done and the next, I'm chasing my tail all day. One day I'm ok with finances, the next, I'm wondering how we will survive. I have no security, things change daily. I suffer pretty full on anxiety because of this. It's really hard to not 'feel' in control of your life. But that's all it is. It's a feeling.

I am in control. I do however have to stick to guidelines. I've discovered it's almost impossible to have enough money each week while my children are not in school.

But not impossible. It's up to me to discover the possibility. That brings more anxiety, fear, doubt. Where do I start? There are millions of possibilities and only one or so right ones.

So this is where you get back into bed, right? Where you take what you can get to keep your head above water. Keep on stumbling. Tune out from the world, the kids, and write a giant status on how shit you feel until the anxiety subsides.

Not today. Today I feel so anxious I'm close to vomiting and I don't have a logical thought in my head. But I'm going to film a youtube video for my channel today, that frankly makes $4 a month at the moment, because although it a crazy dream and a whole lot of work, it has the possibility to set my children and I up for life. It's a huge time consuming decision that makes no sense to so many and has had me doubting myself.

My brain: Go get a normal job. That's a no brainer, easiest way out.
Job: lands in my lap.
My brain: sweet that was easy.
1 week later: kids won't sleep, day cares too expensive, I'm drowning in anxiety and I've just realised im $50 down a week putting us under the lowest earning family threshold.
My brain: $&@$&#$& *shuts down* stumble stumble stumble.

I actually feel like staring at a wall for a few hours to self regulate but how can I have a right to complain tomorrow, when I didn't do any thing to help the situation today? When I didn't push through. When I thought I'd given enough effort to the situation. Here's a hint. You didn't give enough effort unless you have what you want..

No more stumbling. I'm not a toddler anymore. I'm a big girl.

www.youtube.com/kyleetate

Summer OOTD 3 | Kylee Maree

Today's outfit was classy-casual. I had a few things to do around the house so I wanted to be comfortable. I also need to head out a bit later and get a few things done so I wanted to look presentable! This is the outfit I came up with to tick all those boxes.

My top is from Target. It's the perfect staple to any wardrobe as it can be dressed up or dressed down. I love the boat neckline and the slightly longer sleeves on this top. I find it to be very classy. There's not much more to say about this top other than I love love love it!

These pants are another item that can be dressed up or down. Simply by wearing a good quality singlet top and a blazer, this could easily turn into a work outfit or a romantic dinner outfit. My most favourite part about these pants is that they are super comfortable (although I should have gone 1 size up) and they have pockets. Mum's love pockets!

My 'thongs' as we call them in Australia (flip flops) are from Kmart. The rope detail give them texture while the studs and silver piping give them a glam affect. I'm aware they are not gold like my accessories, but I thought I would try mixing up my silver and gold today!

These gorgeous earrings were a present so unfortunately, I don't know where they're from.

This bracelet from Kmart was from the set (I think) that I was wearing in my last OOTD. I'm loving the high gloss. Pieces like these are so versatile. It could work along side with a bunch of other bracelets or just on its own to give a more subtle 'put together' look.

To hear more information on this outfit, click on the video below.

Have a lovely day :)

Summer OOTD 2 | Kylee Maree

Today was one of the 5% of hot days that we've had this summer (summer is Dec-Feb in Australia). I decided to celebrate this with a very lightweight, casual outfit and a topnot.

This sheer singlet is one of my favourite wardrobe staples. It literally goes with anything and can be dressed up or dressed down. And the best part - its from Kmart! It was so so inexpensive, I think I'm going to go back to get more.

The shorts were another steal from Target at a very affordable price. I'm not to good with colour or patterns, so I feel like I've ticked both boxes with these. Once again they're made of flowy lightweight material. They also have a very forgiving and comfortable elastic waist and pockets! Every one loves pockets, especially us mums.

My shoes were purchased 2 years ago at a sale for around $10 from Novo. They were such an awesome find, that I also got them in a sand colour. They are the perfect 'dressier' sandal with their gold features.

Which brings me to my gold jewellery! I've always been a silver girl but ever since my Nan passed away and I inherited her gold diamond eternity ring, I've toyed with the idea of wearing gold more often. Seeing as I didn't own anything else gold, I didn't wear my gold accent sandals very often. So I ducked into good ol' Kmart (Again!) and found myself these really cute bracelets. One tip when purchasing gold costume jewellery, make sure it all matches. There is dirty looking gold, yellow gold, shiny gold, more orange gold, matte gold, the list goes on. I picked up a few pieces I thought looked closer to real gold only to realised that they were way off and my skin tone drowned out the beauty of the pieces. I then realised the very yellow looking gold was actually much closer to real gold and complimented my skin. 

The first bracelet has a snake pattern on it, making it more of a matte colour. This actually came in a set and was ultra cheap! It is very rough to get on though, I have large-ish hands and it was quite painful!

The second bracelet has a really cool textured effect and I love love love it. The perfect statement piece.

I wear my watch most days, but of course, its silver. So I decided instead of spending a tonne of money on a real gold watch, I would trial this $15 watch from Kmart. I really like it, but I now have a strange itchy wrist where the buckle sat. I'm not entirely sure that it was the watch. I have had random contact dermatitis before from using bleach, which I always use and never have a problem. And also, a fun fact, sometimes my skin turns black from wearing silver. Not very often though. Its probably only happened like 4 times in my life. So I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and try it again once I stop itching. But so far, I'm liking gold!

I hope you enjoyed this OOTD. You can watch the YouTube version of this if you'd like. Ill post the video below. Have a lovely day!

xx

I Was At Rock Bottom - Not Anymore Baby!

A million subscribers on YouTube? Tell her she's dreaming.

A couple years back I was quite comfortable. A mother, a fiance, a farmer's housewife. No aspirations of my own, not that there is anything wrong with that at all but I know myself. I'm a big dreamer. I wanted to be a lawyer, an electrician, a police officer. Mum and dad, remember all of my crazy dreams haha? I was pretty disappointed in myself that I always gave up. But maybe that's because it wasn't right. 

Eventually I met a man, settled down, and I was pretty happy and comfortable, almost on cruise control with very little turbulence. Until that ended and life went to shit. I mean ground collapsing, suck me into the earth and bury me where I'd stay alive for ever in this claustrophobic hole with no outside contact, kinda shit. ROCK BOTTOM.

What the fuck have I done with all my time? Started and stopped every dream I've ever had. Loved and then LOST. And now I have 3 very individual crazy kids (whom I love to bits) to raise on the smallest of finances and let's not forget, I just got dumped.

But from there something beautiful happened. I believed in myself. I fought my way out of that rut (it took a bloody long time and a lot of pairs of ears), and I began to look to my children who never signed up for this. My poor kids. I was going to make it up to them. 

Mother hood is a job I will never give up on.

I've spent a year on this goal, teaching them to cook, reading to them, trying to be more 'available and in the moment'. And now I want to teach them about their dreams. 

We live in a house that doesn't have enough bedrooms. We don't make enough money to enjoy our weekend. And that holiday I was saving for just went on repair to our car. Sorry kids another year.

I'm not staying here. I am grateful for everything we have but I want to show my kids the world. I want to make amazing memories with them at Disney land. I want them to see how people live in the 3rd world and let them have the opportunity to help out.

And then there's my dream. My career, my hobby. My passion. YouTube. It's not about popularity, it's about reaching out to people. For now the videos are basic, just me, my friends and family having fun. But I have huge goals for the future. To reach out to teens and offer support. I don't want to say too much but basically it's everything I love, rolled into one. Talking, counseling, being there for people, computers and technology. I FINALLY after 29 years, found my dream job. 

Some of you may have rolled your eyes and thought, what a stupid thing to be doing with your time. I hope this has shed some light for you. I will make my babies proud, I will make my parents proud, and I will be there for all you beautiful people of the world.

Rock bottom changed me.... For the better.

www.youtube.com/kyleetate

Summer OOTD 1 | Kylee Maree

I'm not really sure what's going on with the weather here in Melbourne, Australia. It's crazy! I feel like we're having all the seasons in one month. I live quite close to the beach and we have some really nice restaurants around so today's outfit has been inspired by that.

I tried to go with day time dressy.

I feel as though this top is slightly too small as my bust has grown, I would prefer it a little bit baggier. The top is just from good ol' Kmart in a size AU 8.

The necklace, I purchased for the bargain price of $2 at Colette. I generally never buy costume jewelry at full price and Colette always has amazing sales. I think it's a great statement piece for a plain outfit.

I purchased this skirt quite a while ago when I was pregnant with James. It fit my bump just perfectly, and then shrunk back into shape afterward. I love those types of clothing! Once again its just from Kmart in a size AU 12.

Join me again next Tuesday for another OOTD!

Have a lovely day xx

Christmas Table Games

In 2014 I threw my very first Christmas for my x's family. Obviously I was super excited so I decided that we would play a few games. The games I picked were physical and challenging as my x's family were quite competitive and loved a good game. And I have to say, it was the best Christmas, full of laughter!

In 2015 I threw my second Christmas. This time for my own family. I had set up similar games but come game time, no one was interested! They all had full bellies and just wanted to relax in the sun. 

So this year I am making sure that they will participate in the awesomeness that is Christmas Table Games. They can't refuse to play because all they have to do its sit there and have fun! Onto the games.

1. As each guest walks through the door, they will pick a line out of the Santa hat. The aim of the game is to say their line out loud, in conversation, without getting caught. I will give the players 2 hours to read out their line. If they are caught or don't say their line, they don't win a prize. But if they're successful, they win a prize!! I've tried to make the lines not so obvious, but maybe a little awkward to say. So only the best actors will win. The lines I have gone with are:

• Do you understand what I'm saying?
• I'd love some McDonalds right now.
• Yee Haw!
• Ask a silly question and you'll get a silly answer.
• Santa doesn't like liars.
• That's my seat.
• Then my computer stopped working.
• The electricity suddenly went out.
• Was that thunder?

2. The second game sounds easier than it actually is. Each person needs to come up with three statements about themselves. One truth and two lies. The person to their left has to guess which statement was the truth. If the guesser gets it right, the player loses. If the guesser gets it wrong, the player gets a prize! Good luck!

3. My favourite game of all time! Basically you wrap a pass the parcel, adding sting every few layers. A pass the parcel is a prize wrapped in many separate layers of wrapping paper. The person going first (I chose the youngest player) will put on a pair of oven mits and choose a number between 1-6. The person to their left will have a single die. Once your all ready to go, the person to the left will roll the die quickly while the person wearing the oven mits, tries to unwrap the parcel. If the die roller rolls the number the unwrapper has chosen, they must yell stop! The parcel and die is passed to the left and the game continue the same way until the parcel is fully unwrapped and the prize is revealed.

I hope you enjoy these games with family and friends. Merry Christmas!

xx

DIY Personalised Money Boxes - Advent Calander

These are super easy and cute. I honestly cannot remember if I saw these somewhere on Pinterest once upon a time or if I made them up myself, so for that reason I am not claiming that I came up with the idea! Plus, I'm sure someone would have done this before.

You will need:

- A shadow box photo frame (make sure this is a box type frame and not just a deep frame with the glass sitting flush against the picture. Because obviously then there would be nowhere for the money to go, but of course mummy brain got me and I almost made this mistake!)

- A picture the size of the frame (I copied an image off Google then had it printed)

- Marker

- Ruler

- A drill (or some sort of tool to drill the slot in the top of the frame for the coin to enter)

That’s it!!

Take the back off your shadow box. With a marker and ruler, draw a guide line along your frame where you want your coin slot. Don't forget to make the slot big enough to fit your largest coin! Carefully drill your slot following the guide line you have drawn. As you can see I have not done this as I don't own a drill so I am waiting to borrow one. But I plan to use a small drill piece to drill small holes along the drawn guide line. Then i will run back and forth with the drill bit along the slot to open it up. Clean up your frame, insert your picture, place the back on the frame and you’re done! Super simple and cute.

I got my frames from Kmart (Australia) for $6. I plan to use my personalized money boxes for my kid’s advent calendars this year. Along with a small chocolate, they will receive $1 each day for 25 days. Then on boxing day we will go out and they can each buy a toy with their $25!

Merry Christmas, I hope you enjoyed this DIY.

XX